Bird food and Spider Pharm

Want to make the healthiest bird food possible? Or maybe extract the venom from Black Widows, Tarantellas, or Scorpions? Here’s how.

In order to make top-of-the-line bird feed, you need a few simple ingredients, a metric ton of fat, Dehydrated Larva and Pupa, and some deep-fried maggots. The fat is added to a large tub which it will melt and remain at a temperature around 140° then the larva is added to the hot, melted fat and the mixture is cooled into a giant block of 82% fat, 90% protein and a whole lot of bugs.

Or, if you feel a little bulls crick, take a few live maggots, around twenty-five thousand, and scald them to death, stick them in a washer and you’ll get some grade A quality bird feed.

Milking cows is easy, but try milking a spider. Some spiders are easier then others, all you have to do to milk Tarantella is give it a small dose of nerve gas to put it to sleep, then use a tube to suck up the venom it excretes, after a small charge of electric shock to its venom ducts.

Black Widows, not so easy, not only is it because their small, but they like to fidget and move, so another small dose of gas is used. Then the hard part is getting the hose, which sucks up the milk, positioned over its fangs and not its mouth.

Scorpions have to be the easiest, just roll them onto their back, place a small diskette on their stomachs to keep them from getting away, and squeeze the tip of their tails into the suction hose and it’ll do the rest.

Roy Dean